This Time Is Different

As our shabby bus curved through the foothills of the mighty Dalhoudar range, I could not shake the feeling that this time would be different.  Suffering from an extreme bout of jet lag, I lay back in my seat and watched the Indian countryside roll by to the light of the full moon.  This time would be different.

My past four extended stays in Dharamsala were about me.  Finding myself was the primary objective.  Although I had some minor commitments to students I tutored and to the local vipassana meditation center in the past, my days remained largely my own.  I lived free from serious obligation.  I could go home whenever I pleased.  This time, I have a very different task – to give Tibetan girls the tools they need to find themselves through soccer.  I have made a commitment to stay here for at least one year.  This commitment is not only to myself, or to the Tibetan National Sports Association.  Right now, it feels as if the commitment is primarily to the nearly 200 individuals back in the US who donated their time and money to even making the idea of this project possible.  My entire world is watching, waiting, to see what transpires during my time here.  And I feel it.

I still feel like my body has not yet allowed me to fully experience the emotions tied to receiving so much support from my friends, family & community back home.  I can feel the intense gratitude being stored somewhere in my chest and in my throat, and except for a few random bubblings-up from time to time, I don’t think I can handle it in its full force, at least not yet.  I like to think of this gratitude being stored as my fuel tank to get me through this project, this new phase in my life.  When a new challenge presents itself, when I find myself in a tight spot or trying to juggle a tough decision it is to this store of inspiration that I will turn.

For now, Tomer and I will take a couple of weeks to find a great apartment, make it into a home & settle ourselves in to the rhythm of life in this small, refugee community before starting on the monumental tasks that lay ahead.  Now it is still monsooning, and we are receiving at least 2 inches of rain per day.  In this, the second rainiest spot in all of India, it’s hard to do much in the way of soccer.  I think it’s meant to be.  Time to reflect, build up our energy, & get ready to make our next move.  Hopefully the rains will stop by October.